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Friday

No One Size Fits All When it Comes to Motherhood Accomplishments, Failures

I have read many articles and blog entries over the years about where mothers should be when it comes to different stages in their lives.  A twenty-something woman has graduated from college and is starting out in her career and quite possibly saving for a future home, retirement, etc., a thirty-something woman has money saved up for a house while hoping to get married and have a baby, and then the forty-something woman is supposed to be stable in her career and ushering children off to college.  Sounds about right for you?  Not hardly.  Most mothers don't fit into these groups the way some of these mainstream news media outlets report.  The information they provide is what they hope the majority would do by using various examples that might inspire many young women to start off in life that appears to be most beneficial: college, career, marriage, children, etc.  But as most of us moms know, our children dictate much of our lives once they are here while they reach milestone after milestone.  There comes a point in our journey where we have to take a step back and let a husband and/or children shine.  How long that occurs we never know depending on what our situations require?  A disabled child, a cheating partner, a crazy parent, debt, extracurricular activities...one never knows when life will settle down long enough for us to say, "Now my turn!" We find ourselves jumping right into achieving goals at times when it appears to be the wrong time when it is really right.

Those career goals you once had changed once you fell in love and had children.  The peace and quiet to do what you want at anytime of the day no longer existed when you moved in with a man or he with you.  Then throw in relatives and friends into the mix and now a daughter or son wants to either stay in the hometown she once grew up or move as far away from it as she possibly can.  Things change sometimes for the better and other times for the worse!  We ride with change or die trying.

Mothers don't come to this blog because they have it all together, they show up with pain in their hearts, frustrated with choices, irritated with spouses and children, and more, but through it all they thrive anyway.  Each challenge presents a life lesson and we either embrace, push back, ignore, fight, or move on!  For we know, only the strong survive!

You and I didn't go through childbirth just to have bragging rights we survived, we went through such a profound experience to be released from all those things that bound us mentally, physically and spiritually.  We were to look at our children and recognize the fact that we are responsible for looking beyond ourselves now, mature, grow, teach, etc. we are to experience another dimension of our existence in this life.  It was never meant to be all painful or all joyous.

I personally think that some mothers have lost sight of who they are as women, mothers, wives and/or spiritual beings.  They have permitted worldly activities to weaken their minds, covetousness and jealousy to divide their hearts, over-eating to slowly kill them, and life challenges to separate them from their Creator and His will for their lives.

There is no one size that fits all mothers and don't let anyone throw you in one big box labeled, "This is what motherhood is supposed to look like."  In addition, there is no chart that can be used to track our progress which tells us, "You have arrived, now do this...and if you don't make it here, then something is wrong with you."

So keep on crying mother, release the pressure, and then get back out there and win at whatever you know you are called to do.  And if you don't know, then you might want to take more time praying, and less time being bombarded with people and things that constantly analyze you.  Meditate on wise books, may I suggest the Holy Bible for starters?

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7


Tuesday

Winners, Losers and Playing to Win: Children's Sports and Parents

The tears on my eldest son's face after his team didn't win in the soccer finals, I will never forget.  It was one of those moments that I had to watch my son learn a life lesson after a string of wins, "You win some, and then you lose some."  I didn't comment on the team's mistakes, the fact that my son was one of the hardest working kids out there, or times where I thought a call or two was a bit fishy.
The point was, he was a child that wanted to play a game that was competitive despite adults saying things like, "It's just a game...their having fun...no big deal."  Those comments mean nothing, there are those of us who know all to well about playing to win.

A loss or a win doesn't matter much to those who are use to losing or average performers, but it means everything to those who are born leaders.  Consider the competition in the classroom, at the job, and even when one is online trying to get a date!  You seek for the opportunity, you meet goals/dreams, and you look for that win!  This is why some make good wages while others make just enough to buy bread, milk, eggs, a bit of cheese, etc. while praying that their pay will cover all the bills.  It's a mindset, a discipline, and a desire to win or best when it comes to competing with others. You want to come out ahead!  There is no wrong in that!  Everyday you get up and get out there to run life's race (whatever that might mean to you) the desire is to complete it while you hope for the win and if you don't do well, you get back out there and shoot for the win the next and the next.  Achievers do this!  Goal-oriented people do it!  Millionaires revel in it!  

Most recently, I witnessed yet another life lesson, this time with my third child.  He had won at track running the 50 and 100 meter yard dash, and received two medals to prove it.  While parents who wanted very much for their children to win dismissed their losses with sighs, laughs, encouraging words, or negative comments about other competitors, I saw something arise in my kid I didn't like a couple days later, and that was pride.  A light bulb went off in my head, taken from the Holy Scriptures, "Pride comes before a fall."  His time was coming, he would be humbled, "You win some and you lose some."

We, parents, build our children up, but life will break them down.  We can hope for the best, make light of sports, tell them how proud we are, and do other things to encourage them, but there will be life lessons and some will be harsh.  I think of my second eldest son who had to sit down this past basketball season.  He injured his back prior to, so he had to spend time recovering.  His basketball shots for the camera were put on hold and his bragging about what basketball shoes he was going to get was no more, he had his old ones to view.

There is a season for all things and sometimes parents must take the time out and ask this question, "Is the game really about the child or about you?"  Sometimes parents are missing out or losing at so much: marriages, employment, money, family relationships, dreams, etc. that they use their kids' sports to distract them from the truth.  Rather than win at a personal competition between self and everything else, they put their children out on the field or court while hoping that their child's winning or besting will ease the pain that they are feeling inside.

I ask you this, "Are you losing at something?  How bad do you want to win?"  Ponder the following, "...the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all."  Ecclesiastes 9:11 (KJV).

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Monday

Protect Your Sacred Motherhood - Ordained to Bring Life, Protect, Love and Then Let Go

Who might you be, Mother?  A mere mortal used to bring life into a troubled world or one who was chosen by a Creator to experience something so holy one cannot express in words?  Whatever this label we call "motherhood" let us walk in it and experience all that it has to offer on a much higher level, one that even the men who helped us bring life into this world couldn't fathom.

You see while men go about their days working, feeling good about their material accomplishments, and behaving in ways whether good, bad or otherwise at work and elsewhere, we spiritual mothers must take needed time to ponder our roles--re-evaluate what we are doing and not doing as well as how we can usher our families forward through life challenges.

So foolish we are to take our mommy roles so lightly, we sometimes act like the immature children we raise.  We carelessly move along in life hoping/wishing/praying for the best without thinking what path shall we direct our children, based not on our selfish needs, but those that our Creator has shown us.  Those of us, who know better, place children in the right direction but when they object, we take them off the right path and place them squarely in the middle of  the crossroads while yelling, "You pick!  I'm sick of this...Why is he/she always crying about whatever I tell him or her!  I give up!"  Of course that is what men, women and children of darkness would want.  "Please give up mother, we have a role for your child.  Don't stress, why not busy yourself, we will pick a path for him or her?  We know how overwhelmed you tend to be crying mother, here sit down, we will help your children."

For some of you readers, you should feel motivated to want to do some things differently when it comes to parenting.  Take a look at the decisions you made so far.  Are you happy with them?  What more do you have to do?  What is causing you great concern these days regarding your role, your children, and relationship?  Is there anything in your power you can change?

So far, you have protected your children from those unexpected dangers, pain, evil, and more.  The love is evident for many moms while others not so much, but one day you will need to let go whether you finally get it when it comes to be loving, kind, nurturing, etc. or not.  You will still need to free those babies turned adults one day if you want them to have healthy, successful lives with someone other than you.  Unfortunately, far too many moms call sons and daughters back to the nest and then cry and complain about why they won't go.  Mothers, you will need to trust that whatever knowledge, tools, and other things you have given your children will be good enough in school, at a relative's home, daycare, in stores, on field trips, at a workplace, in a marriage, etc.

Society doesn't want any believers in a righteous God to live out their calling as mother.  There is ample evidence to prove this including the sheer number of opportunities, temptations, false teachings, and more that are given to families to separate them not only from children but from all things spiritual.  Dad mocks biblical teachings.  Children rebel about not wanting to listen or read anything spiritual.  There is tension in the air when God is mentioned and so mom goes into hiding careful not to rock the boat with things like rules, order, discipline, wise counsel, etc.  She becomes nothing more than a babysitter, a servant, or a picture on the wall decorating the home.  She lives there and maintains the environment, but that is really all she does.  No life lessons are ever taught.

While you believe that what many call is "help" for mom, the truth is upon closer inspection there is little sincere help!  There are money-grabbers, soul snatchers, users, and abusers.  If you don't give up something to get that help, you and/or children are banned, left out, put out, and/or hurt.  Keep giving someone or a group what they want and you get all the assistance you need.  

While you are concerned about your children becoming victims of tragic circumstances, know that you too can be a potential victim having first your mind (mother's wisdom) robbed from you, then your sons/daughters, and last your soul.  Think twice about what you put before your eyes and your children's and know the difference between right and wrong and keep enforcing the rules!  The of discipline is still very popular in many circles.  Start by reading the word of God.  See Proverbs 22:6 if you haven't already.

Nicholl McGuire

Friday

12 Things You Can Do When Your Children Aren't Around

Are you constantly putting things off because your children keep disrupting the time you need to get things done?  Soon you will have that much needed time for yourself and you will want to take advantage of it.  Sometimes when the opportunity comes, we fail to do some things on our wish lists, because we simply forget!  So here are 10 things that might serve as reminders for you.  Post them somewhere so you can see them, then when that unexpected time to be alone comes, you will be ready!  You might want to create task lists to get things done related to:  family, personal development, social life, health, finances, work, home, fun, spirituality, and community related activities.  This is helpful when it comes to jogging your memory on what you have been putting off for a long time including those bookmarked links you were supposed to read or YouTube videos you said you would watch later--what else might be on your computer you could be enjoying?


1.  Check your electronic devices to see what notes you might have but forgot about. (Did you return phone calls or make important ones yet?)  You could also clean devices both inside and out.


2.  Window shop and compare prices.  Definitely a must-do when children aren't around, because you are better able to focus on your shopping lists.


3.  Attend a movie, visit a park, walk a museum, or do something that takes your mind off home life.


4.  Enjoy breakfast or lunch at a restaurant you always wanted to go to but couldn't because you didn't want to take kids.


5.  Meet relatives, friends or co-workers at a social event i.e.) wedding, baby shower, funeral, etc.


6.  Get your nails done.  Isn't it so nice to see freshly manicured nails?


7.  Go to church or bible study.  Sometimes being around like-minded folks does wonders!


8.  Clean and organize your home. (See my blog on organizing here.)


9.  Transfer photos from digital camera, print and organize.  Mail photos to distant relatives.  People enjoying seeing things in the mail besides junk and bills.


10.  Spend time with your husband.  When was the last time you made love?


11. Work-out.  Are you happy with what you see in the mirror?


12.  Work your home business.  What tasks have you been putting off that is keeping you from making supplemental income?


You probably can think of 12 more things.  But whatever you come up with, be sure you are making the best use of your free time!  I will tell you from personal experience, I actually feel better when I know that I didn't spend my valuable free time doing things like chatting too long with loved ones, surfing the Internet, or doing tasks that could be done when the children are around.  So start enjoying that much needed free time!


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Decades of Marriage and What Does One Show for It?...

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Decades of Marriage and What Does One Show for It?...: For years a couple has been together and has hoped for the best.  Argument after argument has resulted in emotional and physical wounds.  T...

Thursday

I Took the Time to Pray with My Children

I will be the first to admit there was a long drought season where I didn't pray with my children.  You get overwhelmed with parenting, tired of bedroom battles, etc.  By nightfall, you just want to rest.  But since they are getting older and calming down, it has been a pleasant experience praying with them.

During this quiet time, they talk of their troubles like bad things kids say and do and they pray for their class (like behaving, following instructions, hoping to have a good day, etc.  They ask me questions about things they may not understand.  So that the discussions are not long, we stick to a routine.  I pray, one child prays, and the other.  When my older ones are around they have joined in on discussions, listened to bible reading and prayed too.  There isn't much talking afterward.  This takes about 15 minutes, some days longer, or other times shorter.  I rolled back the bedtime so this could be done.

We have seen results since doing this: troublesome children have become distant, teachers seem to be doing well mentally and physcially, the sick have been made well quite rapidly, unexpected blessings, etc. and more.  Both children are at the top of their classes in different subject areas.

So do take a moment, pray for your children, their friends, teachers, and share burdens with an awesome God!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7. 
 

Tuesday

Regrets: When Mothers Cry Over The Past

"Why bother? What good is it going to do now?  It's over!  You are free!"  so many mothers with tears in their eyes forget about freedom when their minds are entangled with, "I should have, could have..."

Years ago, I had regrets about dating the wrong people, having children out of wedlock (thanks to self-righteous Christians), leaving San Diego, and other things I really don't want to conjure up at this time, but you know how thinking about the past can be.  But I chose to move on!  I survived through hell and high water!  I wasn't about to let haters who win.  I had accomplished much in life years ago and still working hard to date.  What someone else's perception of me, stopped having influence when I finally made up in my mind, "No more!"  There would be no more attitude, mind games, lies, cover ups and secrets.  God exposed the foolishness anyway.  I was grateful that my past was no longer my present and future.

Let's just be honest, we have some mean people in our families, churches, civic groups, workplaces, and even in our households who honestly believe that they are better than others because of temporal things i.e.) more money, cars, property, etc.  I heard a relative once brag about how she was a home owner and talked negatively about those who rented, she forgot about my situation or didn't care.  I talked to God about her and the braggart attitude.  It wasn't long before she was humbled.

You see, as mothers we can easily go from delivering children out of our wombs to replacing those wombs with stress, sometimes brought on by others.  It isn't any wonder why some moms still struggle mentally, physically and spiritually.  They are still carrying other people's pain in their wombs long after they delivered babies!  These women are still pregnant, but not with life, they are pregnant with sickness while dreams are like amniotic fluid just swaying as they move along in life. These moms are still crying over the past.

Being pregnant with past regret will only make matters worse!  You will go into labor but deliver nothing more than poison if you don't seek a cure for your ills.  Children will look at mom's example and either pity her, take advantage, of her or keep away.  "Mom has issues...honestly, I wish I could be anywhere, but around her.  Why does she act so crazy? What's up with her?" say the children.

Yes, what's up with mom?  Does she even know the pain she is spreading around the family home, at work and elsewhere?  Does any one care about mom?  What can she do to make a difference in her life?  The answer:  Move on!  Work through the pain of the past.  Write down what you want/need and place the note in a Holy Bible or elsewhere.  Then post the steps you need to get there from here. Be honest with yourself behind closed doors.  Don't take anyone's opinion or observation as fact. Envision what other people say placed in a box, buried and then blown up, never to be attached to you again!  Don't be oppressed by what people knew about you when.  You give them power when you do that!

Some of the best medicine for getting over the past is focusing on the present and future.  The things that are in your control.  Whatever you wish to achieve, you will, because every time a negative thought comes into your mind about the past, you will reverse the curse!  You need to start telling yourself, you are loved.  That you are doing the best you can to provide for your family.  You will not be controlled by those who don't appreciate or love you.  Each day that you awake, you are getting closer to the things you want when you keep fighting stinkin' thinkin'!

I recall looking at photographs, walking in the cold with freezing ice coming down my face, and I was angry treading along in that snow near Lake Erie in Cleveland.  I refused to do that anymore!  I made up in my mind--never again.  I looked at every city that didn't have snow after that incident and I picked one.  I ended up in San Diego with my first family tagging along, but later moved to Los Angeles.  I was disappointed about the move later, and at times wished for San Diego because that was the first spot I moved to when I left Cleveland with my family back then in 2004.  I got over the sentiment, because I knew I needed to focus on what Los Angeles had to offer.  I was starting a new life without part of my past and I told myself, "I am a survivor."

When you make up in your mind to do something you really want to do, there is no stopping you! You post the reminders of your tasks.  You sit and stare at your goals.  You come back and do the same whether you do anything or not.  Then one day, you will get tired of doing nothing and will just do it--I'm a witness!  From painting to getting a job, I wanted to get some things accomplished at different times in my life, so I had to get centered--wrap my head around some things.  I had to take a break from the normal routine and sit quietly.  I cut off TV, cell phone, visiting those who didn't support me, and I put limits on doing certain tasks that didn't help toward goals.  To date, I am still in that mode of thinking and I know for some, they don't get it, and I'm not explaining either.  You tell yourself, "I will not be stopped from getting what I intend to get done tonight, today, tomorrow..."

Children, partners, noises outside, hunger, menstrual cycle--you name it and it all is so distracting! These people will want something.  Relatives will call out the blue.  Suddenly busy professionals have time for you and so on.  But just like some of them had to shut you out, make their money, attend their events, sign their names to contracts, and do whatever else, now you are the busy one!

So for those of you who are tired of whining, complaining and even crying about your haves and have-nots, do what you can!  Start supporting yourself!  God bless.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.  Chances are you might find out some more discoveries about why you are still entangled with past issues over there--be awakened to truth, it can be a hard pill to swallow!

Sunday

Feel Guilty About Not Going to Church? God, Christians, Pimp Preachers

Your Lazy Spouse and Children - Tips on Getting them to Help at Home

Many mothers are not only working in or outside of the home, but they are also maintaining the upkeep of the family home and possibly caring for elderly relatives, pets, and assisting others.  Meanwhile husbands sit in front of television screens and children play video games often.  It isn't any wonder that many mothers burn-out and eventually divorce husbands and leave children.  When is enough, enough?

You can't keep playing Super Mom forever, so before you meet with an attorney one Monday morning, you might want to do some things differently in your household.

1.  Stop picking up your children's toys, older sons', daughters' and husband's personal belongings.  Be sure there is a designated place for everyone's things and remind all to put their items there.  If they forget or refuse to, one day put them all out of sight.  You can even put them in a bag and label them "Donation."  This way they will have to ask you what is going on with their stuff and then you can tell them what the consequences are.  As for the spouse, some are too stubborn to do much of anything so in this case, you can always move the items wherever you want.  Of course, this will irritate him, but a gentle reminder like, "Well, I would much appreciate it if you could put XYZ on the shelf, rather than in the middle of the floor."

2.  Avoid cooking when no one wants to wash or put the dishes away.  There are plenty of box items and other things that can go right in the microwave.  Teach your children.  As the dishes pile up, warn everyone that you will not be cooking or cleaning the kitchen.  Resist the urge to do so.  You also will want to take the children's video games or cell phones away during this time; otherwise, you will not get the results you seek.  Once the kitchen is clean, then they can get their gaming and other devices back.  Teaching small children to help out is quite simple, put a small vacuum or dust pan/brush in their little hands and let them go to work.  Give them cleaning rags they can use to wipe walls and cabinets and praise them for helping.

3.  No more treating the family to eating out, celebrating holidays, shopping sprees, and contributing to vacation accounts.  Make your announcement and list why you will no longer be participating in these things. Consider how much money you are saving when you do this too!  Post chores on the refrigerator and tell those who want those things to perform the tasks.  For every one that is done, you will give each individual credit for his or her assistance.  You can define the cost or the reward. 

4.  Stop volunteering to help family members and friends.  From homework to yard work, why are you taking on burdens when no one is assisting you? Stop worrying about what might happen with a child's grades or how your spouse might react to change.  Enlist the help of professional groups and others to help with sickly loved ones.  Consider this, how would your family members react if you were lying on your back in a hospital with tubes up your nose due to family stress?

5.  Put a cap on all the extracurricular activities.  Although they have their pros, there are also many cons with them as well when families are either too busy or too lazy to do anything else that is more important like clean your home, eat healthy, and sleep well.  There are other less stressful ways to keep children active like jogging or walking after dinner.  You can also take them to events based on your schedule not someone else's.  Also, consider the money and time you are investing in these additional activities as well, are they really worth it?  Chances of a scholarship?  As children grow older, they begin to lose interest in what they do anyway and in time, they won't be playing most sports due to responsibilities like: getting a job, maintaining a roof over their heads, and doing other things that you are doing now for them.  So think about cutting back.  Ask yourself, "Am I pushing them because of my own personal dreams rather than letting them decide what they really want?"

6.  Lastly, stop making excuses for why your vehicle and home looks the way it does.  Make the time to get these tasks done, and as mentioned earlier, delegate responsibilities.  Talk with family members on days and times they can assist.  Those that drag their feet on helping, don't get benefits.  Partners who insist on having their way and refuse to assist will realize the consequences sooner or later.  You can't force a husband to do anything, but what you can do is control what you do and don't do for the household.  Remember that.

After meeting with family and posting your task list, observe your family for at least 30 days to see if what you are saying or doing is making a difference.  If not, back to the drawing board, being more firm this time, going over task list and reminding them of the consequences i.e.) No dishes, no dinner.  No cleaning room, no extracurricular activities.  No picking up things, no being able to find them.  No helping me, no asking me for service, etc. 

There will be those relatives who will object, criticize, and act as if the sky is falling, but stand your ground anyway!  And most of all, stop caring so much how they view you and what they might be feeling, you know these people are lazy or you wouldn't have read this post.  God bless!

Nicholl McGuire


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This freelance writer, author, wife, and mother of four has been writing for almost 20 years about a wide variety of topics ranging from spiritual experiences to self-improvement products. Nicholl has also been a leasing consultant for multi-family dwelling complexes and an events planner in Euclid OH. During 2004 she relocated to San Diego CA and continued leasing apartments to singles and families. In 2006, she became a community manager at an elderly housing complex in downtown Los Angeles. Since then she has been working as a writer from home. Nicholl self-published her first book entitled, "Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate." For more information about the book visit Amazon.com She has another book also on Amazon, entitled, "When Mothers Cry" as well as other books. For more of her work, feel free to stop by Blurb.com. There she has creative photo and journal books. If you have benefited in any way from Nicholl's writing, please do take a moment to show support, buy any one of her books, share her posts, subscribe or comment. Be blessed!

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