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Saturday

There is More to Talk About Besides Being a Mother - Don't Want to Talk About the Kids

Sometimes as mothers we reach points during our day where we don't want to say another thing to our kids or talk about them to anyone not even our spouses.  It can be tiresome.  Some don't understand why and others think we want to hear about their kids.

If you have experienced something like this or feel this way now, "Please, I just don't want to talk about my kids..." don't worry you are not alone and it doesn't mean you love your kids any less because you don't want to share another picture, video, or conversation with someone about them for awhile.  Just like one can get burned out with talking about certain relatives, news, celebrities, and more, one can also get tired of talking about children.

I thought of this topic when I read an article about what childless or childfree women wanted mothers to know.  Some of these ladies have their issues with mothers talking to them about why they don't have children.  From the writing, you can detect a couple women just didn't want to keep talking about their private business.

So I end with this,  just because we all wear some kind of title such as: "Mother, Single Woman, Divorced, Married, Childfree, Childless..." doesn't mean we want to share every personal detail about it or answer every question that someone poses, especially on days when it is simply challenging enough being a woman.

Here's ideas on some alternative conversations that have nothing to do with children unless you redirect the topics back to your children.

1.  So how's things coming along with your job, hobby, craft, business, projects...?

2.  I heard about your spouse/friend/relative how is she/he?

3.  How do you feel?

4.  What have you watched lately on television?  Which shows are your favorite?

5.  Do you have any favorite songs, musicians?

6.  Where did you go recently to unwind or where are you thinking of going?

7.  Do you have any personal plans for the upcoming holiday?

8.  When was the last time you visited the mall?  Did you buy anything?

9.  What do you think of the (mention something that happened in the news)?  You didn't see it?  Let me catch you up to date?

10.  Have you been to (fill in the blank)?  If you would like to go, I'm free on....

Mom will thank you for the good conversation and getting away from the children sooner or later. God bless.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight about relationship, spirituality, family, business and more here.


Wednesday

Narcissistic Parents Cause Us To Feel Frozen Emotionally - Lisa A. Romano

Too Much Government Control Over Your Children from School Lunches to Trauma Based Mind Control

This has been an issue for some parents lately, judgmental cafeteria workers and teachers remarking to children at lunch time what is considered "healthy" and what isn't then talking them out of eating their lunches.  I personally have a child now who no longer wants sandwiches in his lunch thanks to the negative comments about his sweet and salty snacks (like chips and a fruit snack) from aides.  The so-called "I care" speeches turned him off.  Now he periodically (not often) eats the school lunches, but he also has some snacks just in case he doesn't want them. 

I first dealt with this issue of unhealthy school lunches when my youngest son was in Pre-K.  I had packed a sandwich (turkey breast sometimes ham) snack size apples and a couple of treats.  He told me about "What the cafeteria worker said..." when he came home that afternoon.  "She didn't want me eating that..." and pointed to a couple of small cookies.  I told my son that he could eat whatever I put in his bag.  I guess he told the worker the next day and we had no future issues.

I said the following in the past offline, and I will say it again here, the more power you give school officials, the more they will exercise it on children!  You go about your day thinking that all is well at the school, and then before long there is a note in your child's hand talking about what the teacher wants, the principal needs, what the guidelines are for an illogical school project, what holidays are being celebrated, etc.  Meanwhile, many of these notes have NOTHING to do with educating your child on the essentials, but you have been brainwashed to believe otherwise.  If I told you that a program it is "healthy, good, smart, unique, cutting-edge, successful" and it was decorated in beautiful wrapping and served to you on a 24K gold tray, you would most likely open the box, reveal about how beautiful the tray was, but then learn the hard way that the tray melts into mud and out of the box pops up a rattlesnake!  Many of these programs are just like an appealing gift box, but in time you see the side effects and quickly realize you are ill-equipped to handle that child who is out of control with his or her mouth, thinking, eating, etc.

Although helpful to your child's upbringing, this talk about nutritious meals served during lunch is helpful, but what isn't right is dictating something as personal as meals and listing everything "fun" that a child eats as unacceptable.  Meanwhile, the school has parties and encourages parents to donate, serve and finance their junk food list.  Dye for eggs to celebrate Dr. Seuss Day.  Jelly beans and marshmallow rabbits with honor given to an imaginary Easter rabbit.  Goodies for a pointy-eared Leprechaun.  Valentine sweethearts, gummy bears, sugar packs, etc. for classmates.  Edible cookies with a decoration of a FAT man in a red suit named Santa.  Now is that false god eating healthy? 

So what about this holiday education and celebrations that aren't always acknowledged at every one's homes being forced down our throats year after year by teachers?  A well-managed way to lull the masses to sleep early on about the issues that really matter like:  protests over fracking, new government laws, shady politicians, overseas mayhem with American involvement, deaths on our streets connected to bigger agendas, etc.  What bother when you need to get to the store and buy those eggs to decorate?  Why do much for community when you are overwhelmed with school activities, work or both?  What about the traumatic events of American history that isn't necessary to discuss in detail to elementary school students, yet used to split the mind?  What about sex education about all sorts of partnerships, so that the future generations will be less likely to procreate, and more?

Why throw so much at children and parents in the name of "education" and why accept everything that is thrown your way, Parents?  Look a little closer at the teachers' plans next school year.  Ask to see curriculum.  Write notes about anything that isn't sitting right with you.  Tell the teacher from the start of the year about the kind of parent you are and what you expect.  Rally support of other parents--outside of the close watch of the PTA.  Notice how major changes suggested by concerned parents at some of those meetings are quickly shot down between requests for more money and time "...to help the school."

School lunches are in your control whether you have little or a lot of money.  The government stepped in because far too many parents are letting children get obese, and besides they are assisting by giving many families help on their food bills.  So when you take government aid expect to be managed.  Some parents need to wake up and realize that many children nowadays aren't carrying around any baby fat, that is unhealthy weight they are feeding with junk food.  Many kids aren't doing much but sitting in front of devices with screens after school and on weekends and you can see it!  When many parents let their children's weight get out of control, someone/group will control it for them.

The more parents refuse to parent, the more groups, who feel they need to parent, will walk into schools and enforce rules.

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and other books.

Friday

Skincare Safe Products During Pregnancy

When you’re pregnant, your body undergoes dozens of changes, and your skin might experience some issues as well. Luckily, many skin issues that you encounter during pregnancy are temporary and disappear soon after you give birth; however, for the more uncomfortably skin issues, there are several pregnancy-safe skincare products that you can use for common skincare issues during pregnancy. For example, if you encounter melasma (the darkening of the skin on your face), you can suppress skin pigmentation with prescription products containing azelaic acid and topical vitamin C.

Soy-based sunscreens have been shown to have some effect on lightening the skin. Similarly, for stretch marks, which 90% of women experience during pregnancy, moisturizer can improve the appearance and reduce itchiness, while it’s been suggested that topical creams containing glycolic acid and/or green tea might prevent stretch marks. Increased blood circulation during the third trimester may cause pregnant women to have puffy eyelids and faces, especially in the morning. In this case, DIY treatments work well; ice and cold packs can be applied, as well as the use of an eye cream with aloe and vitamin E. Women experiencing puffiness can also increase their vitamin and mineral consumption to relieve the puffiness; however, while the condition is usually harmless, puffiness and sudden weight gain may signal problems that you should discuss with your doctor.

Pregnant women often experience itchy skin, acne, and rashes as well. Itchiness can be relieved by using over-the-counter mentholated or oatmeal-based moisturizers without artificial scents, while rashes can be treated with over-the-counter topical moisturizers that are fragrance-free. Meanwhile, women who experience acne while pregnant can treat acne by washing their face frequently with fragrance-free facial soaps and using some over-the-counter acne products such as astringents. However, when treating acne and other skin issues, pregnant women should be careful to avoid products containing benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, or retinoids, which are unsafe for pregnant women to use and have been linked to birth defects or pregnancy complications.

Learn more here.



Safe Skincare Products To Use During Pregnancy - An infographic by the team at Skinfo

Wednesday

6 Simple Ways to Deal with Controlling, Pushy or Abusive Teachers

Tired of hearing stories from your child about what a controlling teacher supposedly said or did to him or her?  For some of you parents, you doubt the truth about a situation involving your child because he or she might have a history of lying or exaggerating.  However, some parents know better, and find that troubled teachers have a long track record of lying, covering up, and doing other things to stay out of trouble with bosses.  When repeated issues arise between teacher and your child, it's time to listen closely and put your pen and feet to action!

1.  Document what your child has said about the teacher and what you know or observed.

When you notice teachers are often behaving in ways that leave you scratching your head when it comes to your children, note your findings.  Analyze what might have happened to cause a teacher to behave in a confusing or unprofessional way.  List each incident.  Note dates and times your child came home with a story about what his or her teacher said or did to him, her or other students.  Some teachers have health concerns and are on medication that sometimes affect their line of reasoning.  Others are simply tired of dealing with children and are in need of a break.  Some things could be going on with your child as well.  Investigate both sides of the situation before coming up with a conclusion.

2.  Keep copies of any paperwork that will help prove cases of control, pushy, or abusive behavior.

Problematic teachers will slip sooner or later, when they do, be sure you have copies of the paperwork they send home--good, bad and otherwise.  They have your signature on file when you signed homework, permission slips, and more, so you will want to start a file on the teacher.  This  will come in handy later.

3.  Talk with children through your children and other parents.

Sometimes the best source of information are from the children themselves.  Have your child interview his or her friends about what was said or done in the classroom.  If you are able to talk with your child's friend about what he or she witnessed, do so.  Record what you heard.  Two plus stories are better than one.  Talk with parents about their observation, but keep your personal opinion and intentions about the teacher out of the discussion.  You never know how close the parent might be with the teacher.

4.  Ignore repeated requests from the teacher for your assistance and set up meeting(s).

The more cooperative you are with a teacher (for instance, assisting with tasks in the classroom) you claim is trouble, the more you will appear like you are okay with how the teacher is treating your child.  Cut off the friendly, yet personal exchanges; instead, be firm and professional.  Politely refuse requests to assist the teacher with activities.  Don't reply verbally or physically in an insulting manner to the teacher's messages when you notice something you don't like.  Rather, call the individual or see him or her directly about the matter (consider bringing someone along as a witness).  If he or she is responding to your concerns using tactics like: blaming, minimizing, exaggerating or lying, escalate the situation.  Excuse yourself from the meeting and call her boss.  Note the results of your phone or in-person meeting with the teacher.

5.  Report all offensive behavior to boss/principal and other school officials.

Set up a meeting with the teacher first via phone or in-person.  You might want to meet with the principal and possibly include the teacher in on that meeting.  Be sure you have someone or a group with you to show support.  Keep in mind, some school leaders and members of the Parent Teacher Association (PTA) have buddies--those individuals they don't want to get into trouble.  You might want to attend a few PTA or school board meetings first to find out how strong or weak the group is and who might be the friendly connections to the teacher in question.  Find out what others' experiences have been like with the problematic educator.

6.  Consult with attorney and/or police if need be.

Depending on the severity of the situation, you just might want to seek the advice of an attorney and/or police officer.  They can help you determine whether the situation is considered abusive and what your rights are.  Don't mention the teacher's name or others involved at first.  If you do, you might find you are looking in the face of a relative or friend of the person or people in trouble.  So do learn what you can about your rights and only mention names to those you believe you can trust.  Research the name of the attorney or police officer on the Internet and check out Linked In and Facebook connections before sharing specific details about your case.

You will find that as you learn more about the situation with a troubled teacher, you will think of additional ways to deal with him or her as well as other school officials.  The school year is long and as it comes to a close, it seems like it gets longer.  Be encouraged and know that when you are doing what's right, you will have the victory!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Pushy Teachers - Parents Push Back

They send far too many fliers home requesting your participation in one activity or another.  They believe the more they ask, the more you will share of your time and money.  They have little regard for the other children you are parenting, the household responsibilities you have, job obligations, bills, and more.  Pushy teachers push parents over the edge with all their criticisms, rules, ideas, schedules, structures-- you name it!  Then they act as if they don't understand why a parent goes off or blows up on them! 

"I have this great idea and I would just love it if the parents would help me with it...Now Jane's mom can buy this...Peter's dad will bring that...Carol's grandma is so sweet, she will help me with the kids...Let's see who hasn't volunteered or gave money yet...hmmm?" Pushy Teacher says.  "I think I will create a flier, send an email, see the parent when he or she picks up the child or drops her off, set up a meeting, tell the child to talk to parent..."  In addition, pushy teachers who don't like that smart kid in the class who questions them on their rights and wrongs or that one who is often disruptive tend to target parents because "I just don't get why the child is always...I really wish the parent would...There are some kids I just don't like..."  Other pushy teachers will turn some children into teachers' pets while hoping they can get teachers' pet parents in the process!  If you don't see through the strategies, you will be taken for your time and money all in the name of loving and caring for your child.  Consider this, are you able to bombard people with communication outside of your workplace to help you with your job/idea/plan for free?  If so, you got yourself some willing volunteers.  But if not, you have to pay someone right?  A person who is somewhat skilled at what you do.  Sometimes it is just best to leave some people alone who have shown little interest beyond getting a child taught and that's it.  A teacher, who is like a used car salesman trying to get everyone who walks through her door to buy this or that, will find out sooner or later that it is best to simply leave some parents/customers alone.

So the emails, the printed fliers, and even your child comes home with messages daily/weekly/monthly from his or her teacher announcing classroom/school projects, holiday celebrations, collaborations with other teachers, needed items for field trips, and more.  It doesn't stop, pushy teachers keep pushing and pushing and pushing!  Discerning parents push back.  They don't permit teachers to run over them or run with their money or time.  They put limits on their giving and in some cases they sit out altogether depending on what is happening at home and elsewhere.  Teachers who are more concerned about accolades, personal achievements, and more could care less about parents' home and work life.  In their eyes, they are slackers, lazy, don't care about their children, and form other judgments when parents aren't like Jane's mom, Peter's dad, and Carol's grandparent who manage to give and give and give some more while hoping their precious children will receive some kind of favor.  Sometimes this works, other times it doesn't.  Familiarity breeds contempt.

As the pressure to push parents and children to do more of this and that increases from educators and others, there will also be some pushing back.  Some teachers use and/or abuse children to get what they want from parents by setting their sons and daughters aside or apart from group activities just because a parent chooses not to volunteer or give money to some grandiose idea/project/holiday event.  It is unfortunate but what might have started off as harmless with some teachers and good for the children will eventually turn ugly as more and more parents consult with school officials and attorneys due to the mental duress children and parents undergo from pushy teachers.  This is a serious issue for many who are already overwhelmed with personal and professional pressures.  It isn't any wonder that some parents flip out on teachers.

The communication for some of these pushy teachers is overkill and oftentimes useless when it is clear that most parents have indicated they are not interested in assisting.  How many letters, emails, text messages, and more does a teacher (turned beggar) have to send out even after parents have said, "I'm sorry this is not a good time...We have other obligations...We are not able to help...Please stop sending my child home telling me what I ought to do...?"

Kudos to the educators who have enough sense to put the brakes on all the unnecessary projects/ideas/event planning etc.  But to the pushy teachers, it isn't any wonder why you don't get the support you do?  The narcissistic teacher, the control freak counselor or principal, the weak PTA or nonchalant school board who refuses to see the writing on the wall when a parent complains will eventually reap for not doing their part when it comes to being understanding about parental plights and rights.

There is no one size fits all parent and not everything at home, work, church, after school, or at school appears to be "normal."  All should keep that in mind.  Push back parents on pushy teachers!  You are not obligated to do anything more then what you're already doing and that is making sure your child is cared for and taught.  Stop feeling guilty when you don't help out with something.  Stop being pressured or bullied into doing things you don't want to do.  Meet your goals, give back when you can, and do what is right.  Children do well in an environment of love and peace, not busyness and stress!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire, author and blogger of When Mothers Cry and a mother of four sons.

Friday

Spring Break with Children, School Break Challenges

Well you knew it was coming, days off from school and you hate it!  Look, your secret is safe with me.  For years, I wasn't too happy about spring break either especially when I had two in diapers, one was being breast fed and the other was always into something.  The other two (yes four at home) would sometimes physically and verbally fight.  This is one of many reasons I lean on God to date as a result of motherhood issues.  See my work on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.  So I know what it is like to resent those days off from school particularly when you have little money and no job outside the home.

Spring break with children doesn't have to be too bad when mom makes up in her mind she will not be defeated by crying children, whining tweens and smart-mouthed teens.  You will be strong!  You will find your peace even while you struggle with school break challenges.  Here is a list of things you can do to get through this mentally and physically draining period.

1.  Get up, put your clothes on, and start your day with a sense of purpose.  When you do, you will be ready to do some things with the children when they plead, "Can we go out?  Are we going somewhere today?"

2.  Partner with other mothers or ask a supportive relative to tag along sometimes when you go out.  It makes it so easy when you have someone who can relate and is calm and patient with you and your kids.  Avoid those relatives who will only make you angry and wish that you would have never asked them to help.

3.  List activities you want them to participate in that will do the following:  give you a break, make life easier around the home (like doing chores for starters--more on this later), and won't wear you out!  Those time-consuming craft projects that require adult supervision will burn you out.  Having the children participate in something where you need to be present, a waste of time and money when you have a lot to do.

4.  Chores -- put children to work.  Create another list of everything those hands can do around your home.  From dusting to putting dishes away, everyone should have a task.  Did you see what I had my little ones doing at three and four on YouTube.  If not, see here and here.  This is another video I did as well, When the Kids are Busy Everyone is Happy.

5.  Stretch and exercise.  They can do it and so can you.  Breaks tend to make everyone eat more because the food is readily available and school related events have slowed down.  Afternoons and evenings.  Who says you only need to go out once a day?  Get those children going a couple of times a day--wear them out!  If you can take them to a gym where there is a daycare and you can afford it, do it.

6.  Visit people willing to watch your children or take them along to family events.  You will usually reap the benefits later after they get use to seeing you.  Many grandparents don't like the sudden phone call asking for something or dropping by and leaving children yet there is little conversation.

7.  Check into local recreation and park departments in your town/city to see what activities are taking place.  Go to church and ask members to pray for you and family.  Make time for God, because you will need Him!

8.  Use those rooms in your home and separate children. Anyone who leaves an area will have to deal with you!

9.  Take advantage of gaming devices, video, music, computers, and other things, but don't let them babysit the children for hours and hours.  Set a timer so that you won't forget about them--lol!

10.  Baths, swings, jumpers, music, vacuum cleaner noises, full belly, change of scenery/fresh air, card rides,and frequently changed diapers often helps those fussy babies.  Otherwise, you can stay in a room and pace the floor while crying right along with baby.  If the situation is not under control and other symptoms seem to be getting the best of baby, you will need to make that dreaded doctor's appointment.  See WebMD for health concerns.

As always, thanks for stopping by.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Distant Daughters, Troubled Mothers - No Contact

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This freelance writer, author, wife, and mother of four has been writing for almost 20 years about a wide variety of topics ranging from spiritual experiences to self-improvement products. Nicholl has also been a leasing consultant for multi-family dwelling complexes and an events planner in Euclid OH. During 2004 she relocated to San Diego CA and continued leasing apartments to singles and families. In 2006, she became a community manager at an elderly housing complex in downtown Los Angeles. Since then she has been working as a writer from home. Nicholl self-published her first book entitled, "Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate." For more information about the book visit Amazon.com She has another book also on Amazon, entitled, "When Mothers Cry" as well as other books. For more of her work, feel free to stop by Blurb.com. There she has creative photo and journal books. If you have benefited in any way from Nicholl's writing, please do take a moment to show support, buy any one of her books, share her posts, subscribe or comment. Be blessed!

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