Saturday

Is it Really Worth House-Hopping this Holiday Season?

He complains about his wife's side of the family and she can't stand his, yet a family member gets the bright idea to have everyone (good, bad and otherwise) over their home for Thanksgiving, then Christmas and how about New Years too?  For some of you, who are over-the-top with the celebrating, reading this, don't expect so much!


Depending on what part of the world you live in, you just might be stuck in the house for hours due to bad weather at someone's home.  You also might have to put up with a partner who will be saying, "I told you we shouldn't have come...I really wish we hadn't left home..." while you wait for the storms to pass.


House-hopping is definitely worth the effort if you know for sure this is something that all parties agree on.  Who wouldn't miss visiting a favorite aunt or an awesome grandfather who has goodies at their homes?  No one would pass up an opportunity to see mom if she is in good spirits and prepares great meals while treating her family with some love and respect.  However, when there is frequent family discord and people act miserably with one another, you have to wonder, "Why bother?"  When you know there is a history of ugly people acting ugly, why subject your relatives to their foolishness?


Many families risk their lives traveling to see relatives only to come back home ready to spank the kids, divorce the spouse, and put the pet outdoors in the cold for messing up the house.  Then to make matters worse, the bills will be coming in and monies will be short. Those determined to get family together often don't consider all of the issues that come when trying to get to a holiday event especially one that is out of town during the winter season. 


Save yourself and your family the head, heart and butt ache, choose where you will spend the holidays wisely and don't force everyone to comply when it is obvious that some folks simply don't like being around certain family members.


Happy Holidays!


Nicholl McGuire, YouTuber channel: nmenterprise7


Nicholl is the author of the following books:

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...

Monday

6 Things You Can Do When a Mother is Mentally Troubled

Raising her children is something she just doesn't want to do lately, no one really knows why, but the mother is acting quite strangely around the children.  She use to make sure they were bathed, fed, the house clean, their in school, and relatives got to see them, but not anymore.  The mother acts depressed, uncaring, rude, or sometimes abusive to family, friends and her own children.


Gossiping about the mother's issues is not going to keep the children safe.  Threatening to violently attack the poor mom is not the way to go either.  Put aside personal beliefs, emotions, and ridiculous statements and stick to what matters, the mother's well-being and the safety of the children.


Some things people can do when faced with a situation where a mother is simply not acting like herself and the children look like they are being neglected:


1.  Make the time to talk with her away from the children.


Ask questions gently.  Avoid arguing.  Find out what or who is causing her stress lately.  Offer to assist her with her problem(s) if you can or direct her to some help.


2.  Converse with children in front of mom and also when she isn't present.


Notice any changes in their demeanor.  Do they appear comfortable with her?  Do they act afraid, worried or nervous whether in her presence or away from her?  Do they wish to be away from her?


3.  Speak with concerned loved ones.


Tell them what you know, but be selective on what you say, because you don't know if there is a relative who secretly wants her children.  Ask them to assist with whatever tasks the mother is having trouble keeping up with until she appears to be mentally/physically strong again.


4.  Note your findings.  Check for patterns in odd behavior discuss with a nurse and schedule a doctor's appointment if necessary.


Sometimes a serious illness may be ongoing, so you may want to exercise caution.  Be sure the environment is safe.  Protect yourself.


5.  Assist with cooking, cleaning and caring for children.


As much as some people like to avoid these things, when someone is obviously in trouble, now is not the time to make excuses.  Do what you can to help.  Offer to watch children after you have discovered what is causing major upset in the home.


6.  Meet with other relatives and have a family meeting if there is no sign of change.


If after issues have been discussed, services has been provided, appointments have been met, and there is still no change, call a family meeting with a plan that includes temporarily separating mother from children until she can get the help she needs.


Things happen and not every mom is able to care for children all the time.  Keep this in mind before assuming the worse, acting judgmental, or enlisting the help of other critical family members.  Not every mental illness is permanent.  Many moms who once were faced with mental challenges do heal (ie. post-partum depression, PMS, Perimenopause, Menopause, work-related stress, marital conflict, drug and alcohol addictions, etc.)


Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Baby, Career, Husband, and Everything else! When Over-the-Top Mom Wants it All Done Now

When is enough, enough for some moms?  When she has had a nervous breakdown, severe migraine, a death of a child, a divorce, a lost limb, or something far worse!  These mothers will go and go against all sound advice just to meet needs they think are important and need to be tended to right now. 

The baby is crying, the husband is complaining, and the job is demanding, and all the while career moms cry, "I'm okay, No really I'm fine.  I'm not worried...yes I need to go to the doctor, but..."

For some mothers, they will not live long, they just won't.  It doesn't matter whether she is No-name Nancy or A-list Jane, the two will find their spirits removed from their bodies while they walk around looking at what others are doing in a world they no longer belong to.  Why?  Because they believe that everything needs to be completed, dealt with, bought, created, and produced NOW!

Wild parties while parenting troubled children, some moms don't believe they should give up anything, "It's all about me!" Some boast.  If they want to do something as soon as possible, they will gather up everyone and everything to get it done while complaining about the dismal results.  Plans are not well-thought out, consideration of others' time and feelings fall on deaf ears, and unfortunately these extremely busy and wild mommies tend not to be the generous types when it comes to their own family.   Meanwhile, other moms, who may not be so busy but have their share of issues, live lives that if only their families knew, they would be disowned.  What these mothers have in common are: impatience, greed, self-indulgence, and most of all pride.  They love bragging about what they won't tolerate, settle for, deal with, or put up with including children and partners.

Money-loving, greedy mothers who just can't get enough of networking, working long hours away from home, spending much money on meaningless things, and being a part of this thing and that one, miss out on the most meaningful things in life.  What might they be?  Those quiet times where one doesn't need to do, buy, say, or plan anything, just observe.  Sit back and listen to one's Creator, enjoy good times without being the center of attention, and do something good for someone else without repayment.  But this is simply too much to ask of some mothers.  Even their own mothers have warned them, "Slow down.  Stop talking so much.  Stop doing all that.  Take a break.  Do better.  Make wiser decisions."  But stubborn, impatient moms let wisdom go in one ear and out the other.  If it doesn't make her look good, get her excited, and have a price tag on it, she ain't buying it! 

Partners have threatened to leave these over-the-top moms.  Children cry for their mother's attention, but she keeps right on traveling, having fun--just doing what she feels like when she wants.  This obsession with making one's self feel good derives from years and years of disappointments and not having any sense of control of one's own life, so she feels like anyone who comes in contact with her owes her something. 

During their lifetimes, some mothers permitted far too many people to run their lives in their youth, so once they reach an age where they feel in control, they go wild!  They are running around like chickens with their heads cut off!  They want to be the leader, supervisor, creator, producer, wife, mommy for the fifth plus time, and any other title they can get their hands on. 

Although it all seems so good in the beginning when their prayers seem to be getting answered, gradually all the "God did...but I still want...still need" becomes nothing more than a problem.  What the mother once called, "a blessing" becomes "a curse."  She is using far too many bad words to describe how she feels.  The disappointed "I need everything right now" mom finds herself resenting her married life and children.  When tough times present themselves, she wishes to be anywhere that makes her feel in control, fuels her fire, and makes her feel appreciated; hence, the long hours at work for starters.

If you are experiencing something like this or know someone who is, consider creating a plan that permits you to have more free time with those who really matter.  Sometimes the additional activities we get involved in take up so much time that we exhibit many negative feelings that have little to do with the family, and everything to do with the many tasks at hand.

Feel free to check out Nicholl's spiritual insight on a variety of subjects at YouTube http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
 

Wednesday

10 Reasons a Stressed Mother Needs to Separate from Children

Tired of having to put up with issues dealing with children?  Often worried that they may be taken from you?  Scared that someone might find out about your secrets through your children?  Whatever the issue, things only get worse, the more you drag children into your mess.  You will know when you need to make temporary arrangements with an individual or group to care for your children.

1.  You have no income coming in and no way to keep a roof over you and your children's heads on a consistent basis.

2.  You find yourself lying often about how you feel about your children.

3.  You can't control the rage within when they start crying, whining, fighting with one another, or having fits about doing something you asked them to do.

4.  You told someone something like, "If I ever catch my children doing XYZ again, I'm going to kill them."  Although they thought you were just venting, deep inside you meant what you said.

5.  You argue far too much with the father or fathers about the children living with him/them.  Why make threats?  Just let these guys deal with them since they think they know so much.

6.  You miss work so often to the point that you are going to lose yet another job as a result of child-related issues.

7.  The police have repeatedly visited your home because your children or someone in the neighborhood keeps calling them on you.

8.  You encourage your children to lie about abusive things you say and do to them.

9.  You are in a relationship with an emotionally and/or physically abusive man.  You make excuses for this person and refuse to let him go.

10.  Family and friends have warned you about the way you behave with your children and have offered their assistance--take it!

If you or someone you know sees all these signs and more that one should separate from children, why are you ignoring the warnings?  Sooner or later, whether willing or not, someone or some incident just might permanently separate a parent from children.

Something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire, see more by this writer on YouTube.

Friday

Another Burden to Remove

Kids can make you cry.
I don't know why,
but sometimes I cry.

Overwhelmed with duties,
far too many responsibilities,
they make me cry,
I guess I do know why.

Thought about how much I went through,
carried babies and still had much to do.

Talked with other women,
troubled due to men.
They sought their peace,
got a separate lease.

This too made me cry,
Yes, I do know why.

There is nothing easy about family life.
You have to know how to organize strife.

Take what you can,
share tough times with a man,
and then come up with a better plan.

The key is not to let others script your life,
and let God's words cut you like a knife.

Then when the many tears fall,
avoid spending time at a mall.
Instead, learn to live within your means,
and dump luxury scenes.

Worry, anger and resentment,
distract and lead to disappointment.

Envy, lies, and pretending,
take away the love God was sending.

Yes, I know why you cry,
the little things make you
want to die.

Yes, I know why at times you cry,
there is yet another thing in your eye.

Nicholl McGuire

Friday

For the Love of the Children: Why Mothers Stay with Controlling Partners

It isn't easy being in a relationship much less one built on lies, exaggerations and promises.  Controlling men who believe that in order to keep women in their places, they must do the kind of things that don't uplift them, but keep them under their thumbs.

The "kept" woman, former survivor, beaten wife, or emotionally abused girlfriend will deal with the accusations, name-calling, threats, and more coming from a mate with a personality disorder (or is demon possessed) just so long as she has a place in the home with her children.

She will talk herself into staying in the home with a controlling individual, because she doesn't want to be replaced by someone who doesn't love her children as much as she does.  She will put up with her partner's foolishness if it means that she can be the one who will tuck her children in bed at night.  She will stand up to her controlling partner, if not for herself, but for the love she has for her children.

Mothers are pushing, shoving, kicking, screaming, scheming, planning, and doing other things just so that they will not be separated from children.  Many know all-too-well what single parenthood looks like.  Others experienced what it was like growing up without a father, mother or both in the home.  The love for children is great and goes beyond human comprehension.  "Why would a mother allow a man to....what would make a woman bother to...I just can't understand," some say.  It isn't for you to understand.

There is a timeline that occurs in every child's life as he or she grows up and during this process each milestone that is reached is significantly influenced by a parent or guardian.  Whether the child is young or older, a mother's presence helps with the process of growing up.  No child wants to feel unloved, abandoned, worthless, or useless; therefore a caring mother will help a son or daughter sort through fears and insecurities while attempting to create a bond.  This doesn't take away from the father's role, but for the purpose of this article, it is the mother's love that is being discussed.

Mothers desire to stay with the father's of their children despite difficult circumstances is due to the following:  some have a burden to do so, others fear leaving or moving on, and then there are those who do it because it's just the right thing to do in the meantime.  Yet, as with everything else experienced in this life, a mother's time with a controlling partner has an expiration date.  This is why so many take off and leave with children at a moment's notice.  A mother knows when it is time to be like a tiger and protect her cubs.  Numerous chances are offered to mean-spirited and angry fathers everywhere to get things right.  But far too often, they don't.  Far too many prideful men who don't believe that there isn't anything wrong with them will place blame on mothers who just want to raise children and have a good lifestyle.

So when one questions/judges/bad-mouths a mother for dealing with issues in a relationship she couldn't fathom having to put up with, just know that mom is doing the best she can for the love of her children.  Most likely, these same mothers who judge are going through their own set of relationship challenges that others would have to ask, "Why do you bother to stay with your controlling husband/boyfriend?"

Nicholl McGuire shares inspirational and thought-provoking messages here: YouTube Channel: nmenterprise7

Wednesday

Parent Teacher Conference - A Litmus Test on Whether You are Doing a Good Job Parenting Your Child

What parent wants to sit in a room and listen to a teacher talk about his or her child especially if the son or daughter is the talker, the bully, the wild one, or the shy one?  Yet, we go to the parent teacher conference anyway only to find something in the conversation with the teacher we don't like.

We attempt to filter personality issues from the man or woman seated in front of us just doing his or her job.  Yet, we are well-aware of personal bias, discrimination, ignorance, teacher burn-out and a know-it-all mentality that some have.   But sometimes, the gut feeling kicks in and you suspect that there is more going on than the teacher cares to mention.  So you try to get to the bottom of things and before long, you wish you hadn't.  Now you find yourself talking about, "When I was a child and how I use to..." but the teacher looks at the clock, attention span gone, and on to the next parent.

Speaking of attention span, can I just say that the classroom atmosphere is busy.  With so much stuff to look at, no wonder kids are bouncing, looking around, and excited.  And what about these new programs, teaching strategies and the like, sounds like more stuff to stifle the creativity of our children and get them ready to be future employees of companies owned by the wealthy.  I don't envision that the big name companies will be out of business by the time our kids are grown--competition is none if all a child has is college debt and a delusional vision to be something that he or she was never properly prepared to be, but I digress.

The parent teacher conference, why bother?  I tell you, because someone needs to know that you are one of those parents that cares about your child come hell or high water!  Even though you hate the criticism and those little chairs you sit in even more, your presence speaks volumes.  You don't have to say too much about your kid at the conference just nod or shake your head since the teacher is use to having an audience sit back and observe--evaluate her/him.  Think about what your child might feel each day looking at this person and why he or she might rebel when it comes to receiving instruction from his or her teacher. 

Watch the teacher's mannerisms, examine the hand-picked worksheets he or she puts in front of you and look at the score sheet she has prepared--does any of it make sense?  Question it even if you don't have a clue what you are questioning. 

The issues will come up, "Jack talks too much...Annie plays with her hair...Bill interrupts and doesn't raise his hand...Penny likes to tease..." it sounds personal, doesn't it?  But you know your child and you can always ask the teacher, "Well what do you do when these issues arise?  I handle them at home, can't do much when they are in school." 

To all the parents, as tempting as it can be not to care what the teacher says or what your child does or to spread your hate for school, and your anger toward the teacher with 20 plus students, take a breath.  Do what you can in your setting and hope for the best!

Nicholl McGuire
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